You are ready now to date again. You have gone through the grieving process and thought about the issues around moving on.
Goals of dating
Start by thinking what you want out of dating.
- Are you going to just enjoy the dates without long-term commitment?
- Do you wish to meet new people to make friends?
- Are you interested in short term relationships?
- Are you looking for a serious relationship?
Your answer to these questions determines your dating strategy.
Lets get real
Forget perfection. Dating can be an awkward experience for many people. They feel they have to be perfect. You have to say the right things, dress the right way, like the right things, drive the right car and so on. The truth is no one is perfect. Accept you are not perfect and neither are any of the people you are going to meet while dating. A good relationship is where you recognize the flaws in the other person and love them because of it.
Old patterns 
Have you recognized any patterns to your dating up to now? We tend to repeat mistakes often because its a comfortable pattern even if that pattern is destructive. Look for those patterns and break out of them. If you have truly destructive patterns, think about getting professional help. A therapist can help you better understand these patterns and work with you to break those habits and help you lead a happier and more satisfying life.
Starting back to dating after divorce
You may have been out of the dating game for a long time and may not have ever thought you would be back dating again ever. You may not be looking forward to the dating process. Make sure you have thought about your motivations and goals for dating. Is your heart truly ready and are you properly motivated to date? A person going back to dating after a divorce actually has some advantages over never married singles.
You have experience with relationships, both the good and bad and hopefully an insight into what makes a good relationship and what you want out of a relationship. You have a more realistic idea of what a committed relationship is all about. You are more likely to be better established in your job, hobbies etc and more stable. Other than the addition of online dating, dating fundamentals have not changed. Even with online dating, the basics still apply.
Where can you meet people?
The answer is just about anywhere. I know one friend met his wife after he accidentally spilled soup on her at a checkout line.
Some common locations suggested include
- Health clubs and educational courses
Dance clubs and bars are possible locations but tend to be less satisfactory places to meet people. The key is usually to be in a place where you are likely to meet someone with similar interests. If you are a parent, you will be meeting other parents through your kids school and community.
Hopefully you feel comfortable in letting people know you are a single parent and sooner or later you will meet other singles this way. Get involved in bake sales or other activities related to school and community. Its a great way to build up your support network, to make new friends and to meet new potential partners.
What to say
These guidelines should be used whether you make contact in person, on the phone or online. Pickup lines can be funny and good stories to tell to your mates but they show little imagination and little personality. Be yourself and be polite. Think ahead of time about a conversation piece.
Using a conversation piece
A conversation piece is a topic you pick based on something about the person or situation and about which you speak naturally. An example could be a distinctive ring or necklace. You could ask about a recipe at a supermarket. Even if they don't know, it breaks the ice.
At an evening class, you can ask them to clarify some part of the lesson or comment on their work. Some people go as far as to have some conversation piece with them to encourage others to talk to them. An example might be pumpkin earrings around Halloween time.
Listen
Keep the conversation short and natural and make it two-way. If you are doing all the talking and no listening, most likely you are not going to make a connection. Make a note of their name when they tell it to you. Nothing is worse than forgetting some-one's name and you are going on a date with them. Judge if the other person is acting interested or not. If not, take the hint and withdraw gracefully.
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