Holidays may be the most treasured memories from your childhood. They may have been special times in your marriage. After a divorce, they may be painful times especially if you are living alone or not with your children.

Being alone during the holidays

Try to accept the situation and make the best of it. Here are some ideas

• Deal with this by planning ahead

• Find others to spend the holiday with

• Do charity work that day. You will brighten the holidays for others and for yourself

• Try to remain active. Sitting at home will likely cause you to get depressed

• Think about getting away that day. Turn it into a long weekend and go somewhere interesting

• Start a new tradition for that holiday

Being alone during the holidays can be especially difficult the first season or two after your divorce. You may not be looking forward to the holidays at all. You see others excited and busy and that makes you feel worse. There are no easy answers to this feeling. In many ways it is normal but the bottom line is you need to find the energy to fight it.

Do not keep putting off planning until the holiday is upon you. You will just isolate yourself then and feel very depressed. You need to set yourself a goal each day and follow through on it. Probably the most important goal is to make sure you get out of bed and out of the house every day of the holiday. Staying at home will only cause you to think about the bad stuff and it becomes a vicious cycle dragging you down.

Where can you go?

Movies

Yes, it is OK for a single person to go to see a film by themselves. You do not have to compromise either on which film you go to see.

Bookshop

These days bookshops are places to hang out. Go to a bookshop and grab some books or magazines and maybe a cup of coffee and hang out for a while. Do not get books on divorce or relationships or parenting. Pick a book you can get absorbed in and get your mind off any negative thoughts.

Go for a drive

Wrap up well and go drive to a place you haven't visited before. Go for a walk or hike. Bring a camera and take photos. Explore a new town. Many cities have plenty going on during the holidays.

Go on a holiday

You are single now and one of the advantages is that you can go away whenever you want to. Pick somewhere to go to.
Perhaps a sun holiday if you can afford it. Many cater to singles with plenty of activities. You may even meet someone.
Try a cruise. Again these have plenty of activities going on and there are singles cruises.

Can't afford an expensive holiday? Look for last minute deals and other budget holidays on the Internet. There are often great deals to be had. You can hop in the car and drive wherever you want. The only thing holding you back is yourself.

Go to a museum or zoo

There are often special holiday exhibits. Visit a planetarium. Some of these have laser shows or IMAX films also.

What not to do

• Do not go to places that remind you of your ex

• Do not stay at home day after day

• Do not spend your time trying to figure out what to do with your life

• Do not try to analyze what went wrong

• Do not over indulge in food or drink

Still focusing on the negative things?

Distraction

Distract your mind. Find something like a book or film and absorb yourself in it.

Thought stopping

Imagine a big stop sign dropping whenever you start thinking negatively

Use music

Play happy music. It doesn't have to be holiday music but it must be upbeat.

Sing

Singing is remarkably like screaming (especially for those of us who can't sing). It releases the tension and can change your mood even if you do not feel like it at first. Want to really let loose. Get in the car and turn the radio all the way up. Sing at the top of your lungs.

Positive imagery

Imagine a peaceful happy place. Picture yourself there and imagine all the details. Look around and build up the scene in your mind.

Affirmations

Read life affirming books or messages.

Day by day

Start the day saying that you are going to put your worries and negative thoughts to one side for today. Actively push them to one side (you can visualize this if it helps). Write your worries down on pieces of paper and put them in a container and put the lid on. This act allows them to be expressed and you are symbolically putting them to one side.

Single parents with kids during the holiday

The holidays may be difficult as you have half the resources to depend on. You can use some of the tips above. Here are some others

• Do not take on too much e.g. entertaining

• Do not feel you have to go beyond your financial resources

• Plan ahead and put together a budget

• Involve your kids in organizing and helping out during the holiday

• Allow some time for yourself. It's your holiday too

Joining a single parents group will introduce you to others in the same situation. You can link up with other single parents  and share the work and the holidays. The kids have other kids to play with and you have company your own age and help with the celebrations.

If you are feeling overwhelmed and don't want to cook and clean, then take everyone out to your favorite restaurant and go see a movie together afterwards. Ask other relatives to help out if you can. The key is to only take on what you can handle and enjoy the day with your kids.